YOU LIVE ONLY ONCE - DO WHAT YOU LOVE DOING WHILE ALIVE: REGRETS ON DEATH BED

 

YOU LIVE ONLY ONCE – DO WHAT YOU LOVE DOING WHILE ALIVE - REGRETS ON DEATH BED

Thakur Ranjit Singh

 

As I am gearing up to republish this article, news comes in that Japan's Princess Mako has given up her title and defied odds to marry college sweetheart. She is living life as she wants. Please read on..

Covid has changed the course of life - and DEATH. We are dying in large numbers- with many unfulfilled wishes, hence need for this article to be republished.

This is a survey by a worker in Hospice, palliative care, tending to people who were dying, with little time left.

Even learned sages like Ravan and Bhishm Pitamah in our epics had regrets during their death, while on Mrityu Shayya – death bed.

Many of us have pride in our money, education, materialistic wealth, and other possessions.

SOME ARE SO BUSY EARNING THEIR LIVING THAT THEY FORGET TO LIVE – AND  FORGET ONE DAY THEY WILL DIE.

Here, I summarise the result from that survey of dying people.

I am especially urging our Pundits, Pastors, Priests and Pracharaks to use this as a subject of their discourse – tell people to do something earthly before becoming too Godly.

Please read to the end… AND LEARN BEFORE DEATH ENGULFS US…………….

As we age, we tend to commence viewing life with greater depth of philosophy. Organising school reunions has been one way to meet older students we may not have met for many decades.

To those younger ones too engrossed with their career -DO NOT WORK YOURSELF TO DEATH AT COST OF QUALITY TIME FOR CHILDREN AND FAMILY. You will be replaced within days of your death in your workplace. But the vacuum you leave behind in the neglected family will be there forever. So, please, SLOW DOWN -AND SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR LOVED ONES.

Translated in Hindi, this was theme of Bollywood blockbuster: Kal Ho Na Ho - Suno, jiyo, khush raho, muskurao. Kya pata, kal ho na ho.D.A.V. College, Ba Fiji’s international reunions have been held biennially respectively in Canada (2015), Auckland (2017) and Fiji ( 2019). The next one in Brisbane in planned for next year, 2022. In recognition of age catching up, and death embracing many of our school mates, the 2017 Auckland reunion had appropriate philosophical theme, urging ageing mates to listen, live life, be happy, and smile, as unbeknown, there may be no tomorrow.

And the latest reunion in Ba, Fiji in 2019, continued in similar Bollywood theme – you live only once -Yeh zindgi na milegi dobaara

In my Ba reunion experience, it appeared many of our ageing mates from Ba did not reciprocate our desire to meet older students and share the love we had for our long-separated mates. Many did not seem to care, because they appear to be too engrossed with life and failed to take advantage of meeting old mates who may never again come to their hometown in another DAV reunion in Ba in their lifetime. Life is too short; hence we need to live life to full.

Older people need to be inspired to enjoy stress-free life in their twilight years, without giving much thought to what others may think.

As I am also part of Waitakere Indian Association (WIA) Seniors team, I wish to share some thoughts with my Seniors, and ageing school mates from DAV and Khalsa Colleges in Ba, and friends and relatives in the community who are sliding down the ladder of life.

Coincidently, I was fortunate to come across a NZ Herald article by author Bronnie Ware, who shared thoughts that I also carry – thoughts coming from death beds of those at end of their lives.

Epics and history books are full of accounts of those who had regrets while on death beds. Here, Bhism Pitamah, on his death bed, mrityu shayya, bed of arrows. He also had regrets if life- things he should have done differently. This article is to make readers learn from mistakes and regrets of others.

Bronnie is an author, an inspirational speaker and songwriter. She lives in northern New South Wales, Australia. She has worked in palliative care (hospice, end-of-life care), tending to those people who were dying. She has worked closely with those having little time to live and noted their most common regrets in life.

I wish to share this with younger ones and my elder friends, so they can learn some lesson and do not die with great deal of regrets.

Her TOP FIVE REGRETS OF DYING are as follows:

 

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was "by far the most common regret".

"People were astonished by how much power they had given to the opinions of others - friends or family or society."

Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made, at times depending on what others expected them to do.

In Hindi, we say… log kya kahenge, what others will say. This is the biggest folly and fear we have.

Please break away from this and do not care to what others think.

SO, LIVE YOUR LIFE, AND TO HELL WITH WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK.

We all will end here one day. Go ahead, live your life, love, say and do things you did not do while living. So many have gone regretting things they did not do. Have courage and do it now-still not too late for many.

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

Men especially are used to putting too much of themselves into their jobs – missing treasured family moments, like birthday. Marriages, anniversaries, family reunions  and not developing other areas of their life. Most men spent so much time at work that they missed seeing their children grow up and had not spent quality time with their partners.

On their death, the employer will fill their position within days, but the vacuum he leaves in a neglected family remains for a lifetime.

This message is for those who are so engrossed in earning a living, that they forget to live.

SO, WORK LESS HARD, CARE FOR YOUR FAMILY

 

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many had kept their true feelings to themselves over the years, either to not upset others or could not get courage to express their feelings. Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others and themselves.

 

As a result, they settled for a second-rate or mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result of missed opportunities.

It is too late to leave things undone and have realisation of that mistake when it is too late - and you are on your death bed. Still not too late for many-go and attend school and family reunions, start living happier, becoming less grumpy, tell-off somebody who has been bugging you and make most of it while you can.

This is well depicted in  Akshay Kumar’s 2003 Bollywood movie, Andaaz, and this song says it says it…”kissi se tum pyaro, toh phil ishaar karo..kahin na phir der ho jaaye.. if you love someone, express it, otherwise it will be too late on the marriage of the loved one to somebody else.. How many times you had such missed opportunities because you failed to express your feelings?

SO, ADMIT “I LOVE YOU” AND HAVE COURAGE TO TELL OFF PEOPLE, AND ALSO THAT THEY ARE A**HOLES – DON’T BE AFRAID TO UPSET ANYBODY BY SPEAKING YOUR MIND.

 

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Dying people often want to have some laughter about good old memories. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. This applies to the ones who fail to attend school or family reunions and fail to keep in touch, come and meet their old, loved ones and friends.

Unfortunately, many of our Ba friends who failed to come and meet us, will pass away never having those fun time memories of schooldays and walking down those memory lanes with us from overseas. One of the regrets dying people shared with author Bronnie Ware was wishing they had stayed in touch with their friends, as shared experiences bring joy.

There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

"A lot of patients wished they had access to their old friends, so that they could have a little bit of light reminiscing."-old memories. But too late when on death bed. Go, ring them up now.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip, and this they regret on their death beds, like those missing their school or family reunions.

 

SO ATTEND SCHOOLS AND FAMILY REUNIONS, KEEP IN TOUCH WITH OLD FRIENDS AND RELIVE YOUNGER DAYS

 

Epics and history books are full of accounts of those who had regrets while on death beds. Here, Ravan, of Ramayan, regretting what he failed to do while alive. It was too late to realise that while on his death bed, Mrityu Shayya. This article is intended to inspire readers to learn from mistakes and regrets of others.

5. I wish I had let myself be happier.

"When people were looking back, they realised they'd chosen to focus on dramas or problems or challenges, when they could have actually blessed themselves with more happiness." In family reunions or gatherings, some dwell on what separates us (conflicts) rather than having unity, good time and fun. They will feel and act bitter…and regret that action later on death bed. Be positive, talk on what that unites us.

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits of being nasty, grumpy, always serious and loud voiced. They wasted their lives being unhappy this way.

Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. Some grumpy old ones always wish to remain that way. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.

This is well-explained by this Hindi song..khushiyon ki har phool se maine gumm ka haar piroya, pyaar tamanna ki Jeevan mein, pyaar ko paa ke khoya…jab tak humne samjha jeevan kya hai..jeevan beet gaya..Translated it means…from flowers of happiness I always wove a garland of grief and sadness, I always wished for affection and love, but always lost them when I found them. By the time I understood what life was, life had already gone by.

When you are on your deathbed, it is too late. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. Alas, many do not have opportunity to learn it before death. This article gives you that opportunity.

SO, STOP BEING TOO SERIOUS, NASTY OR GRUMPY. HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE - BLESS YOURSELF WITH MORE OF IT

 

LESSON TO ALL

Hope this article will at least inspire one elder, or young one, to change attitude to life, and I will feel blessed.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, and choose honestly. Choose happiness – and learn from others what they failed to do while they had time. Too late when on death bed.

 

You live only once, there is no tomorrow -learn and  best wishes for a HAPPY long life.

YOU STILL HAVE TIME TO CHANGE……AND ENJOY WHAT IS LEFT OF LIFE

[About the author: Thakur Ranjit Singh is a journalist, a community worker, Trustee of Fiji Girmit Foundation NZ, Secretary of Waitakere Indian Association (WIA) Seniors, media commentator and speaks truth without fear or favour. He runs his blog FIJI PUNDIT and comments on issues affecting our communities. This is one of them. E-mail: thakurjifj@gmail.com]